i'm so gay today....well, don't get urself wrong...coz gay means happy....seriously...i'm happy because today is the last day to write on this blog...i'm not saying that i don't like blogging...it's just that sometimes i don't have the time to put my stories, i mean whatever happen to me for a public view...today i had a presentation for my Corporate Risk Management class...i don't really know why...but everytime i have a presentation, i feel nervous...i feel like there's a butterflies in my stomach...i started to remember the first time i'm having a presentation....i was really nervous that time, my hand's shaking and i start to stutter....<=---- Episodic Knowledge...
•The part of a person’s memory that includes things he/she might have done or events (episodes) he/she might have experienced. Alhamdulillah, praise to God the presentation went well...after we finished presenting, the lecturer started to ask questions...and most of the question is Leading Questions...
E.g : - why is the chart decreasing?
- what is CPF?
After everything's done....then i went back home....
it's funny, i just watched "keeping up with the kardashians", and i for one, would've never thot i'll be crying like a baby for that supposedly-numbed-TV show....but i did......ha ha....it's got something to do with some unspoken grief between them over their late father. how very similar it was to my situation. you see, my family, we never spoke so fondly of abah's passing. coz we know, that ONE wrong word could touch our hearts, and we'll be crying orchestra-like forever. confirmed. but i missed abah lately. i have no clue as to why. Sometimes it's easier to deal with your grief by not reminiscing about the past. but how far, or how long can you run away from the memory that's been with you, 24 years of your life. i wish there were more memories of abah, apart from still photos and....well.....photos.....the kardashians were watching some old videos which starred their late father's innit and some other videos being shot by him. i wish to take a day leave, so i can scramble through the piles of stuffs in my room....to find that one and only video cassette of our-i would say-last holiday as a family. the video of us in medan. and also the one in teluk cempedak, where we were trying to bury boy in the sand. that was all that we had. i wish there were more videos of abah. i want to remember what it feels like to have someone you called dad, i want to feel them again. i almost couldn't remember that interaction with abah, the days and the months have slowly erased all memories away. [DECLARATIVE KNOWLEDGE]
This is a song by Christina Aguilera-Hurt
i'm dedicating this song to my late dad...
Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face
You told me how proud you were but I walked away
If only I knew what I know today
I would hold you in my arms
I would take the pain away
Thank you for all you've done
Forgive all your mistakes
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To hear your voice again
Sometimes I want to call you but I know you won't be there
I'm sorry for blaming you for everything
I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself by hurting you
Some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit
Sometimes I just want to hide 'cause it's you I miss
You know it's so hard to say goodbye when it comes to this
Would you tell me I was wrong?
Would you help me understand?
Are you looking down upon me?
Are you proud of who I am?
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To have just one more chance
To look into your eyes and see you looking back
I'm sorry for blaming you for everything
I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself
If I had just one more day,
I would tell you how much that
I've missed you since you've been away
Oh, it's dangerousIt's so out of line to try to turn back time
I'm sorry for blaming you for everything
I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself
By hurting you
In this song, there are few INTERROGATIVE QUESTION...
abah, i wish you are with me now. as i'm getting older everyday, encountered new experience everyday.....i wish you are here to share this once in a lifetime chance at happiness that myself is going through now. i wish i can ask for your blessings.....i wish you can guide me through the happiest day of my life.....or the not so happy days....which ever way the tables are turned....
-the end-
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