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last day....!!!hooraaayyyy...!!!
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 i'm so gay today....well, don't get urself wrong...coz gay means happy....seriously...i'm happy because today is the last day to write on this blog...i'm not saying that i don't like blogging...it's just that sometimes i don't have the time to put my stories, i mean whatever happen to me for a public view...today i had a presentation for my Corporate Risk Management class...i don't really know why...but everytime i have a presentation, i feel nervous...i feel like there's a butterflies in my stomach...i started to remember the first time i'm having a presentation....i was really nervous that time, my hand's shaking and i start to stutter....<=---- Episodic Knowledge...
•The part of a person’s memory that includes things he/she might have done or events (episodes) he/she might have experienced. Alhamdulillah, praise to God the presentation went well...after we finished presenting, the lecturer started to ask questions...and most of the question is Leading Questions...
E.g : - why is the chart decreasing? - what is CPF?
After everything's done....then i went back home....
 it's funny, i just watched "keeping up with the kardashians", and i for one, would've never thot i'll be crying like a baby for that supposedly-numbed-TV show....but i did......ha ha....it's got something to do with some unspoken grief between them over their late father. how very similar it was to my situation. you see, my family, we never spoke so fondly of abah's passing. coz we know, that ONE wrong word could touch our hearts, and we'll be crying orchestra-like forever. confirmed. but i missed abah lately. i have no clue as to why. Sometimes it's easier to deal with your grief by not reminiscing about the past. but how far, or how long can you run away from the memory that's been with you, 24 years of your life. i wish there were more memories of abah, apart from still photos and....well.....photos.....the kardashians were watching some old videos which starred their late father's innit and some other videos being shot by him. i wish to take a day leave, so i can scramble through the piles of stuffs in my room....to find that one and only video cassette of our-i would say-last holiday as a family. the video of us in medan. and also the one in teluk cempedak, where we were trying to bury boy in the sand. that was all that we had. i wish there were more videos of abah. i want to remember what it feels like to have someone you called dad, i want to feel them again. i almost couldn't remember that interaction with abah, the days and the months have slowly erased all memories away. [DECLARATIVE KNOWLEDGE]
This is a song by Christina Aguilera-Hurt i'm dedicating this song to my late dad... Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face You told me how proud you were but I walked away If only I knew what I know today I would hold you in my arms I would take the pain away Thank you for all you've done Forgive all your mistakes There's nothing I wouldn't do To hear your voice again Sometimes I want to call you but I know you won't be there I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do And I've hurt myself by hurting you Some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit Sometimes I just want to hide 'cause it's you I miss You know it's so hard to say goodbye when it comes to this Would you tell me I was wrong? Would you help me understand? Are you looking down upon me? Are you proud of who I am? There's nothing I wouldn't do To have just one more chance To look into your eyes and see you looking back I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do And I've hurt myself If I had just one more day, I would tell you how much that I've missed you since you've been away Oh, it's dangerousIt's so out of line to try to turn back time I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do And I've hurt myself By hurting you In this song, there are few INTERROGATIVE QUESTION... abah, i wish you are with me now. as i'm getting older everyday, encountered new experience everyday.....i wish you are here to share this once in a lifetime chance at happiness that myself is going through now. i wish i can ask for your blessings.....i wish you can guide me through the happiest day of my life.....or the not so happy days....which ever way the tables are turned....
-the end-
posted by kima at
11:33 PM
I love Mariah... [Tuesday]
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NEWS - Monday April 14, 2008
MARIAH'S "BYE BYE" AVAILABLE TODAY AT ITUNES
Hot off the heels of her 18th #1 song comes the brand new Mariah Carey single "Bye Bye" which is available for download at iTunes now. Fans can watch Mariah's live performance of "Bye Bye" today, April 14th, on The Oprah Winfrey Show and again on American Idol this Wednesday, April 16th."Bye Bye" was written by Mariah Carey and So So Def/Island Records recording artist Johnta Austin, and produced by Mariah and the Norwegian hit-making duo Stargate. Mariah's new album E=MC2 is in stores everywhere Tuesday, April 15th. Download a copy of "Bye Bye", the most beautiful ballad of the year from the most anticipated album of the year E=MC2 at iTunes today.Stay tuned for more exciting Mariah news.
oh my! oh my! where do i get the album??!!! where??!!!!!
I read somewhere that the album is due on the rack at tower records in 2 weeks time. I must have the album as soon as possible. If not, i won't be able to listen to all of her new songs. <----[Ad populum Fallacy of False Dilemma]. What’s so complicated that it’ll take two weeks to get the album here?? Maybe I’ll try Speedy since they said they have the album there already. They had it YESTERDAY, matter of fact. Mariah is the ONE and ONLY whose album I’ll buy ONLY the original copy without having to think twice. So I demand my copy of E=mc2 now!! I’ve heard soo many good reviews bout the album, people saying that Mariah really gave her best in this album. It’s not a surprise that she wrote her own songs too….so that’s why I freaking adore her ALWAYS. I can’t wait!! The anticipation is killing me, MANNN!!!It is an insult should people went commenting me of putting up an act that I favor her as my favourite artist. Everyone who knows me knows I love Mariah. Ask my friends. They should know. I’m not making it up. I'm not into her only now, I've been listening to her ever since she first debuted in the early 90s'. Even with all the rising artists nowadays like Rihanna and Leona Lewis, I still favor Mariah. Perhaps I never showed it as much since it is quite sometime before she released every new album of hers. So I take this opportunity of expressing how true a fan I am of Mariah. I forgot, she wants to be referred to as Mimi now, but I’m sticking to Mariah still.
So I’ve been listening to my maid’s problem for 2 days. My mom won’t take any action. I asked mom to confront her, but mom preferred the silent treatment. How is this ever going to be settled? I don’t want to interfere just yet. I’m afraid things will be worst than it already is bad. You don’t want to see me when I’m mad like crazy. I can throw things at you. I don’t care if it’s a chair or a lamp shade, I’ll throw it at you when I couldn’t control my anger anymore. You don’t want to see that, trust me. So while my mom can work her soft spoken attitude [Euphemism], please do so. Don’t wait until it turned ugly, and I came in the picture only to make it uglier. Don’t!! There’s no other way, is it?? It’s either you bury your feelings with you when you’re dead, or you tell the people you have problems with, face on. Pick your choice.
posted by kima at
12:15 PM
Poor darling.... [Monday]
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i was soundly asleep when suddenly i heard something is ringing...at first i thought it was my alarm clock and i feel so lazy to turn it off bcoz i'm not ready yet to be awake... and when i heard closely, it was actually my boyfriend calling me early in the morning...i was like, oh my god....what on earth this guy could be calling me around this time...i didn't answer his first call...and he kept calling me again...and so, i answered his call...he asked me to wake up...
boyfriend : b, wake up...
me : why? it's still early...i'm not ready yet to be awake...
boyfriend : mama asked me to send her to malacca...so i want u to accompany me...
me : when??
boyfriend : around 11 a.m...
me : what time is it now??
boyfriend : 9.30a.m....jomla....jomla...pleasee...
me : adoi....i'm still sleepy...
boyfriend : please b...please....
my boyfriend was begging me so that i could go with him...i couldn't stand his voice trying to make me feel sympathy so that i'll agree to accompany him... <=-----ad populum appeal to pity or known as an ad misericordium fallacy.
after awhile i said yes...but with one condition...
me : u must treat me lunch...or else i won't accompany u... <=---ad populum appeal to force
boyfriend : ok...deal...
me : deal...
i went to malacca with him after that to send his mom...by the time we arrived, it was already lunch time...so, we went to secret recipe at Jaya Jusco Ayer Keroh...there's a lot of changes in Malacca...i used to be in Malacca during the foundation studies...and it was like 4 years ago...so, after we had our lunch, then we decided to go back...on our way back, we stopped by at cyberjaya bcoz i have critical thinking tutorial class today...
i guess that's all for today...i'm really tired rite now....so...gud nyte everybody!!!
posted by kima at
9:30 PM
it's SUNDAY...
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well... today is sunday... i bet everybody loves sunday.. bcoz usually sunday is the day that we can spend times with our family.. I am very sleepy right now..it must be due to the lack of sleep last nite..i think we should be given 3 days break.. 2 days are just not enough. One day shopping, one day to watch movie, one day at home (sleep, watch tv, sleep).. I owe myself hours of sleep since last week. Almost paid off my debt until I decided to watch…..
 GOL & GINCU!!!the series….. i bought the whole 1st season...Huahuahua…..ever since I discovered futsal, I’ve been trying to learn the real art of it, so I chose to watch the G&G series to see how the girls’ve been playin. And I got hooked! Thought of watching one episode only, to see how it goes, to get the feel of it and all, but turned out, I watched a total of 6/7 episodes which is equivalent to 2 CDs. Finished sometime around 3 in the morning, that’s when my brain can no longer be functioning. and today i was awake at 8 am coz i've got to buy breakfast... so, while at the stall waiting for the makcik to pack my order, i heard a conversation between these two women standing beside me... well lets call them senah & timah...i know them actually but not that close...so i heard timah told senah that she saw her neighbour's son smoking at the playground yesterday night...then both of them were complaining about that boy who smoked...last week i saw her(timah's) son smoking after school with his uniform...i can relate this to what i learn in class...it's TU QUOQUE fallacy....she's busy talking about other people's son behaviour while her son is about the same too...if i'm a bad person, i'll take a picture of her son whenever i see him smoking and i'll post it to her house...then only she knows to stop talking about others....well u see, this is what happen when some people have a kuno mind...that's why i hate some of my neighbours...bcoz they like to talk about others....do mind ur own business ok makcik-makcik or aunty-aunty....after breakfast, then I went for facial, so I thought I can steal a bit of sleep then, but the room was soo cold, I ended up awake during the whole treatment progress....like always, after finish the treatment i'll be in the skin advisor office to have some tea...while waiting for the lady to write my bills, she recommended me with their new products...she said that the products is very good and it really suits my skin...she even said that my face look brighter today....she thought by complimenting me, i'll buy her products....that's apple polishing....or known as ad populum appeal to vanity...which is an Attempt to make me feel “special” so that i will agree with her argument...haha GOTCHA!!!...nice try young lady...maybe next time....it's 2.34pm rite now...i guess i should stop coz i'm going out with my siblings...so to be continue later....bubbyeee....
posted by kima at
2:50 PM
WHAT ARE U FEELING??? [Saturday]
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 I don't really know how to start blogging today.. bcoz i have so many feelings right now.. ok let's get it straight.. i want to relate my feelings right now based on critical thinking tutorial notes, chapter 7 -creativity slide 47.. What are u feeling?
Based on the 3 levels of feelings :
SENSATIONS : eyes ----> i saw my blog id appeared in the mmls (AGAIN???!!)
sense ----> i feel cold rite now bcoz my body are glued to the bed and i feel lazy to turn off the aircond.
EMOTIONS : surprise ----> bcoz i didn't expect neither my name nor my id to be appeared in the mmls again.
anger ----> of course i feel angry.. bcoz it is not my fault that u can't access my blog.
 shame ----> people will probably think that i'm not a serious kind of person or whatever they think bcoz my id kept appeared in the mmls eventhough it's actually NONE OF MY FAULT
INTERPRETATIONS : what caused this to happened?? ---> bcoz maybe u typed it wrongly.. can't u see there's a double http??? how can a url works if there's an error???!! this is what appeared on ur address bar http://http//a135738kima.blogspot.com/ ... i guess that's why it can't be access.... YA ALLAH... tolonglaa... MY BLOG IS ACTIVE OK.... well...i want to blog more actually bcoz many things happened today that i can relate to what i learn from critical thinking...but i guess i'm going to stop now since i don't have the mood to write anymore..it's probably bcoz of what i see the moment i opened the mmls just now....so, good night everyone...
ONLY GOD KNOWS HOW I FEEL.....
posted by kima at
10:30 PM
Don't "play-play".. [Friday]
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 Does anybody recognize that line?? i mean my blog title for today..it's from PHUA CHU KANG... well, that doesn't matter.. the most important is, what caused me to have that for a title.. i have a discussion with my groupmate today due to our presentation next week.. i don't know why on earth this guy, i mean our group leader decided to have a discussion early in the morning.. i hate morning actually.. and he told me yesterday night "if u don't come to our discussion tomorrow morning, i won't list down your name in the report".. well, he just used an ad populum appeal to force to make me feel intimidated, or worried me, will be hurt unless i agree to come to the discussion.. so, as usual i 'll use the same road, same highway to go to cyber [IMPLICIT KNOWLEDGE].. do u know AKLEH?? i bet everybody knows. the elevated highway.. AKLEH i'm so pissed off with you today. i don't pay you RM1.50 everyday to be caught in a 15 minutes traffic jam!!!!. ask your bloody worker to get their big ass down and control the bloody traffic la dammit!!!! i was on a bumper-to-bumper crawl this morning like never before.. DAMMIT!! so getting caught up in a jam is not making me gembira at all!!!  my blood was rising and boiling like a hot pot that's going to explode..well, i just used a simile.. at the same time just now when a Toyota-WISH was trying to cut the queue....you can try that with others la, but not me BAS-TADD!! .. In the end he just gave up and cut in the line behind me instead...... HAHHAAHAHHAHA......( padan muke kau weyh ) ..
i tend to get cooler when i reached the kl-putrajaya highway.. the highway is so straight and it didn't stressed me at all since there are less cars using that highway.. so i guess that's all for today coz i don't feel like writing anymore.. bubbbyeee..... :)
posted by kima at
11:20 PM
I miss abah... [Thursday]
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Today is Thursday or in other words "malam jumaat". As for muslim, we are persuaded to recite Al-Quran or Yaasin. So, as usual after performing Maghrib prayer, me and my family will gather in my mom's room where we recite Yaasin together. It's like a tradition for us. And as been told by mom this morning, i have to attend my uncle's kenduri tonight. I did attend the kenduri and just came back from his house where suddenly i remembered that Madam Aznur said to start blogging starting from today. Since this is my first entry, so i guess i'm going to do a free writing. While at my uncle's house i read a health magazine and found something quite interesting for me. So, i started to copy it in my phone. The entry is something like this :
To get a quick snapshot of your own risk, based on your family history, ask yourself the four following questions:
1. Do you have at least two blood relatives who were diagnosed with breast cancer before menopause?
2. Do you have a blood relative who was diagnosed with breast cancer before menopause and a blood relative who developed ovarian cancer at any age?
3. If you have a family history of breast cancer, were any of the diagnosed relatives male?
4. Is your family of Ashkenazi Jewish descent?
If you answered yes to 1, 2 or 3, or to 4 along with any other question, your family history of breast cancer implies a genetic predisposition. If you said no to all of the questions listed above, or yes only to number 4, you are likely at average risk, which is probably lower than you think. A woman who has no family history has just a one in 13 chance of developing breast cancer in her lifetime.
I'm not sure whether i should breathe the sigh of relief, or still worries over the possibility of being diagnosed with cancer. While at my uncle's house, I bumped into a friend of abah's. I've known him (uncle sayfol) since i was small, n was even friends with his daughter who is around the same age as mine. He couldn't make it, to see arwah for the last time, the day abah passed away. So he was questioning of abah's last moments, how it all happened, how he was so shocked and disturbed after receiving the news, and how are we coping now after all that has happened.
Reliving my last moments with arwah never fails to draw tears in me. As flashbacks of me and abah, reading the newspaper for him while he rests his head on my shoulder, fed him, washed him. All the while he was acting stranger day by day. He was more humble, cuddly, and was no more afraid to show his affection towards us. Inside, i was choking with silent sobs as i see his body, turned skeletal, his thin and sparse hair, his gaunt face...his droopy eyes, the result of endless shots of morphine and cancer drugs. He may be high on drugs then, but his mind was still as sharp as ever.
The last night i spent with him...i was so tired, but still offered to watch for abah so that emak can recover her lack of sleep. He was talking to himself, all...night...long....I kept asking him to lie down, but he refused coz that'll only make his breathing difficult...To make himself comfortable, he was in a sitting position through the night, all the while, his pair of eyes staring up the ceiling..but i wasn't afraid at all, it didn't even occurred to me that he might have seen something that night, something that we will only come to know when the same moment befall upon us. I attended him the first few hours but eventually my exhausted body surrendered to a deep sleep. I was awaken by the shriek of emak, shouting that abah has displaced himself, his waist-down still glued on the bed, but his upper body already hanging down, and the only thing that stopped him from falling off the bed was the oxygen tank which his head was resting on. I jumped from my sleep and held him up. Ya Allah, it was heart wrenching to see him like that. I felt so responsible to have left him on his own, but my body was too tired to stay alert.................sorry abah.......................
That morning, his last hours with us, i tried to feed him bread. He wasn't even chewing the bread, and instead of swallowing it, he kept it mum in his mouth. The elders said that when you are facing death, your body blocks out whatever food or drink from being ingested, to ease the process of performing ablution on the dead. Abah couldn't move himself that morning, so i had to jerk his body to shift him. He felt so heavy then. I think i even dragged him a bit since all of my energy was drenched up. He was so weak, and there was little to none response from him that morning. Sometime around 10am, abah was even weaker, and his breathing got heavy so we utter the kalimah in his ears. When abah was brought to the hospital, i didn't follow. only emak n boy accompanied him, and were by his side within his last moments. If only i had known that that night was the last night of arwah, i would have stayed awake for as long as i can and entertained him of whatever he wished. Everyone assured me that he knew that night was his last night, and he knew that i have done my best in taking care of him, the entire time he was sick. He knew i was tired from nursing him during the time he was hospitalised, so burdening me was the last thing he wanted to do then. Poor abah.....everyone misses you abah....
We may not talk heart-to-heart, see eye-to-eye, but u have always been my mentor, my idol. And i felt a great hole inside of me, emptied by the impossibility of living with you anymore. But it won't be long....it won't be long before we join you abah....Rest in peace our lovable father....al-fatihah.....
http://www.london.edu/assets/documents/PDF/sep_profile_tambi_chik.pdf
Above is the link where my dad is in it.
posted by kima at
1:44 AM
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